Teenage angst.

My teen years were full of angst really. I was desperate to have a boyfriend, but none reciprocated my advances... . I was the geek, the loner, no-one wanted to be associated with me. I used to stand back and listen to/watch the popular girls......you know the ones?
Half filled with envy and half with derision at what I and my few girl friends labelled as being 'slutty' The ones who would allow the boys to cop a feel of their breasts, would flaunt their legs by hitching up their skirts, and general coquettish behaviour around boys.

Leaving school party and I tried so hard to look nice and to attract a boy to me. Well, I did - but why the geek again.....no way was I going to kiss him

The summer of 1981 was a hot and sultry one, which did no good for my simmering urges.

I took a summer job - strawberry picking for gawd sake. There was a guy, nice soft looking lips and twinkling eyes. Made it known I fancied him, my friend hooked up with his brother and we would go and meet them after hours - me playing gooseberry, as it was evident he was not interested. I used to cry myself to sleep at night, masturbating for good effect. Once I think I got overheard by my step-dad as he banged on the door as he was going past. Could not look him in the eye the next morning.

I Used to take the train up some weekends to go and see my dad in the city, the ticket inspector was nice (and young and mmmmm) He tried to chat me up once, I was flattered, but so nervous I stumbled my words out, but he always had a smile for me when I passed through. When it became apparent that the guy at the farm was not going to notice me, I took to having my lunch break at the train station...just to see Si....he loved it when I visited. I seem to remember he had nice soft hands, made us a cuppa once or twice. Once as I was leaving he asked me for a kiss (asked me for gawd sake...) and cos I was so nervous I refused. Made to leave to go back to the farm, only then disaster - could not get my bike lock undone, panicking i went to find Si and ask for his help.....he managed to undo it....then the brazen hussy that I was, I leaned forward and took that kiss! Oh my, even now i can remember, soft lips, slightly sweet and a small tickly tash.....he was gobsmacked and kissed me back. Okay so it was no snogfest, but it was still yummy, with a twinkle in our eyes we parted. To this day I stll see him from time to time, we have exchanged small talk once or twice.